Psychopaths
by sleepingbueaty
Summary: Shinichi knew many psychopaths. Heck, he was a detective! It was gauranteed he'd know...many. But he'd only love a few. KaiShin and ShinKai YAOI


Shinichi had known many crazy and questionably insane people in his short nineteen(although three were spent as a child) years of life, most of them psychopathic murderers. There was only a couple that he….loved not that he would admit to anyone. Three in particular were very troublesome but equally endearing. This did not in fact, mean he wanted them to meet each other. Or, Coffee forbid, get along. Oh no. Absolutely not. Imagine Yukiko Kudo and Kaitou KID and Kaito Kuroba working together! It would destroy him.

He loved his mother; really he did, even if she tried to play matchmaker for him, first with Ran and now every guy in a 67-mile radius (how did she know he was bi anyway?). Literally. He asked(after a disastrous set up of both Hakuba and Hattori being his dates. And then KID showing up in the middle wondering why his tanteis didn't invite him. Shinichi wondered if KID was a stalker. When KID claimed to know 'his Meitantei' so much better then Hattori because he knew the inner workings of Shinichi's bathroom, he came to the conclusion all those doves he kept seeing were part of the "KID Stalker Brigade". Shinichi filed a restraining order soon after. It didn't help).

He still loved her even if she forced him into strange and embarrassing outfits, ranging from Sexy Nurse to a leather Dominatrix to 20th century rock outfit that was really too small(short) for him. And tight. Really, really tight. But despite all that he really, really loved her.

He loved KID too with his eccentricities, his hilarious and mentally plus physically challenging heists where no one got hurt. How the thief had treated him like an adult when he was Conan or how when he came back and was assaulted of two years worth of media, cases, questions and homework, basically building his life again free from the BO, the thief had been there to stop him in the nights, give him some hot chocolate, and lead him to bed (platonically. Completely platonic. If the thief fell asleep next to him…well. What's a little shared sleeping space between friends/rivals?).

How the Moonlight Magician had imitated his voice to free his schedule, even take some interviews with the media(he really wished they would just leave him alone), do some shopping for him all to let him have some rest and to eat. Oh, he had tried to work, instead of sleeping looking over past and present cases until KID had hidden his files, booby-trapped his place with sleeping gas and mattresses, took away all his gas masks and tied him to the bed. The bed thing had been very awkward however when he had…reacted. Thankfully the Kaitou hadn't noticed and went to the grocery store(he got even more clingy after but that was just coincidence right?).

The Heisei Lupin had sent most of his heist notes to Shinichi, either on the refrigerator with a list of food that he needed to get, or painted on something of his including the window, his stove, his bed sheets, and him(plus a beautiful flower. Always a blue rose). One time it was even on the previously yellow manila folder that contained his case work, all gathered in there and duck taped shut,( the tape was had been a lovely topaz in reference to the jewel he was after, the same one where KID had had it in his clothes so Shinichi searched them. With Kid still in them. When Nakamori had found them… Shinichi was just glad he wasn't the only one with an impressive blush.) the note going so far as scolding Shinichi for neglecting his basic needs for survival and then threatening to keep the gem unless he had at least three meals a day with two snacks, NINE hours of sleep, and two hours of social time a week with friends.

The Task Force had leapt on him. Nakamori was constantly asking if he ate that day, how much sleep, if KID had stalked him, did he get a new heist note, was he hanging out with people. The damn man had even got his daughter involved! Who got her friends involved. Which got Hakuba and Hattori to see each other(that wasn't pretty and unfortunately for them the girls had running bet on how long it will take to solve their sexual tension. Shinichi and Kaito had busted a gut, gotten a hairline fracture on two ribs and dislocated their spleen(?) from laughing. After a visit to a hospital they set their own bets). And for Shinichi to meet…Kaito.

The third psychopath he loved. Unfortunately. It really clashed with his whole I'm-in-love-with-Kaitou-KID thing. Kaito had been the one to drag him away from his other friends if they got to much, the one to show him private magic shows that were never the same, the one to show Shinichi how to feed doves, to tell him the best way to get certain KID goo off that required the help of a second person(how did he even know that? He would have to be around this stuff quite often...)and the one to just hug him, holding him when he needed to be held. The one who understood. Fully(he understands like he had(has) a secret identity of his own, doesn't he?). And the one who constantly pulled pranks(Duck tape _can_ be used for everything, huh?). He really, REALLY didn't want these three to meet each other. What if they joined forces? He was doomed! There were only four possible outcomes!

1. He imploded from too much blood rushing to his face.

2. He got his heart broken by Kaito and KID so his mom tried to cheer him up by convincing him to run away from his trouble and do something irresponsible and ridiculous.

3. He knew how protective at least two of them were. He could see them making a Protect Shinichi Club!(Unknown to Shinichi, Kaito and KID were co-presidents of the Shin-chan Guard. Vice Presidents were Ran Mouri and Heiji Hattori. Members included the homicide police unit, Tantei Dan, the Soccer Club, Yusaku and Yukiko Kudo, KID Taskforce, and Agasa.) They would never leave him be! It'd be terrible! They don't even leave him alone now unless he was with Kaito or KID(since they were the presidents, they were trusted to keep Shinichi safe. Although they'd been warned not to try anything….of the hormonal nature. They kept the touches strictly romantic-enough-to-be-platonic-but-still-romantic)!

4. They either became mortal enemies or the best of friends(but don't Kaito and KID know stuff that they wouldn't unless they knew each other? Intimately? Or maybe they were the same….no, no that can't be true! It's too good to be true!) both cases spelled doom for the Heisei Holmes! If they hated each other he wouldn't know whom to support! If they liked each other….he was already their favorite target! All of them wanted to mess with him(for similar yet different reasons)!

He could not have them meet. Which cracked his heart considering Kaito was a huge KID fan(same eyes, same smile, same nose, same elegant long fingers, same six pack, could they be…no, no. That was hoping too much…right?) and he was determined they never meet(but he's never seen Kaito during a heist…).

So when Yukiko Kudo came to him proclaiming she wanted to come with him to the next heist(tomorrow night, 2:00 A.M. , at the Norwegian Embassy Gallery(KID had wrote the entire note in Norwegian), escaping from the window) to meet 'that handsome crook~!' under the pretense of 'making sure he's worth my darling's time~!'

Right. He didn't know what that meant(she called Shinichi and Yuusaku both her darling. So she either meant she was checking if he was thief enough to go against her husband or her son) but they couldn't meet. It would be the death of him. Unfortunately…it was a little too late for that.

"Oh! Ten second count down till it starts! Do it with me Shin-chan~!" Yukiko squealed as she clung to her son's arm, bouncing up and down like the secretly insane little girl she was.

The KID Taskforce members, Hakuba, and the Gallery owner gave her a look of 'why are you HERE?'. Yuusaku just had a fond expression at his wife(he was the fourth psychopath Shinichi loved but more of a closet one). The unshrunken teen just sighed his Shinichi Sigh of ExasperationTM #7: Mother Stop It.

The message didn't register.

"Ten! Nine! Eight! Shin-chan! Count with me! Five! Four! You're not counting! Why not?" "Yes, why aren't you counting? Are you speechless with happiness to see me again?"

Everyone whirled around with varying degrees of gracefulness. There, on top of the throne that was sat next to the jewel case in the back of the gold ballroom-like cave, was none other than the more flighty half of Shinichi's loves.

"What was that? I'm sorry I couldn't hear you over your inflated ego. It's a wonder you can even walk." The audience had retreated to the sidelines, leaving the two facing each other with five hundred meters of distance, hissing at the burn of Shinichi's words.

The thief only smiled. "It's a long honed skill. Besides if I couldn't walk how would I woo you? You do like a good chase, after all. Always getting...worked up."

And that's how it went. The insulting detective and the flirting thief. This went on for a good fifteen minutes(everyone knew better than to interfere after last time. The pranks(KID) and verbal bitch slap(Shinichi) weren't worth it) until a psychopath interrupted.

"Why I would always hold hands with you even if your intentions are impure. In fact, gentleman though I am, it's only right to inform you that a healthy amount of the time I have some impure intention towards you at times." KID was _purring._

"You mean when you dress me up in obscene outfits?" Cue Shinichi Eyebrow RaiseTM #4: Oh. Stop it. I'm blushing.

"Oh! Like the sexy bunny outfit? Although personally I prefer the pirate bonnie one." Yukiko looked thoughtful as she remembered those particular...dress ups. KID raised an eyebrow. "Oho? You've seen my work?"

"Seen it? Why, I'm a fan!" The woman intent on destroying her son's dignity smiled and clapped her hands together. "I've been getting him into adorable clothes since he could breathe! It's such an amazement that someone else enjoys it to!"

"Really? I'll trade you my pictures for yours?"

"Oh definitely! I have a photo album right here!" And Shinichi could only watch numbly while the one thing he was determined not to let happen, unfold in front of his despairing eyes. '_Oh, look they're exchanging photo books. Oh there comes the camera. They're comparing ideas... They're looking at me... What are they doing? A dress? That's a pretty blue color... Here comes KID... A...hug? Oh he's whispering something..._'

"-tei? Meitantei it's alright. We won't force you into something you really don't want to do."

_'Then why are you comparing my eye colour to the dress? Erg. You know what, Hattori is right. I think I'll take him up on that Osaka Onsen Trip he wants me to go on with him. Maybe I'll inite Kaito. No, bad idea. If I invite him Hattori and he will fight again. Too stressfull. Wait. Detectives are generally thought to be stressful. Maybe...I shouldn't go on a trip with him. Yup, no detectives. Maybe my old soccer buddies? Nah. No girls either. Too confusing...'_

And thus planned his vacation in the arms of the man(men) he loved.


End file.
